He broke my Stony heart just when i asked him

Im speechless as i writing this!!!


first of all...iam not all worthy of writing this but....
the Lord chose me....a fool like me...and tht too
when i betrayed him outright...

I wantedly masked his Love with My desires....my priorities...

I had been living the worst lifestyle ever from the past few days...totally stopped
reading his word and totally gave up God...

I was living life like i wanted trying to fulfill JUST my desires....dint submit myself to God anymore..

i dont know why but God has not punished me physically or in anyway that i expected him to...

So since no harm was happening....i continued with my evil lifestyle....


but after so many days of my evil lifestyle...

I just realized this.....
As i was walking in the corridors my college lab of IIIT Allahabad...its huge beautiful and highly sophisticated labs
with neat working environment and each one of them has a comp and a huge table space...
and as i was walking around ....i saw the people around me each of them came into this college bcoz of their intelligence...

And then i realized How God put me here just by his grace.
God gave me this picture in my mind....the picture of his bleeding hand and he showed the blood which was still oozing out
of the hole in his hand made BY ME!!!
I was the one who literally took a driller which has is used to drive nails into wall and take it
and then with my own hands i have drilled his hand ...my father's hand!!!!!!

The very hand which held me when i was about to fall....
The very hand which wiped away my tears when i cried unto him
The very hand which took me out of the pit i was in.

And i imagined myself trying to block the blood which was oozing out of the hole in his hand which i made!!!

And i held his hand tightly as the blood was oozing out ....to my heart and said,.....God don't let me bleed you anymore!!!!!


I realized that my heavenly father has bled for my sins...
and i realized that he bled so that i can get into IIIT Allahabad...
he bled so that I WOULD NOT BE TREATED AS MY SINS DESERVE....so that i can have the best and
not the worst as my sins deserve!!!

Isn't it beautiful he suffered for us so that we can have the best ...so that he may not have to count us as our sins deserve!!!


I dint have this realization for the past few days.....but today i remember i asked God that...
God i know i have drifted so far away tht i dont even have any idea of how far i have gone...
I knew that cause i can feel my heart harden and be sensitivelessness against everything what God was trying to teach me...
and i told him God unless i have a real awakening...a real repentance of my heart so much tht i could cry realizing the mistakes im doing!!!

i knew i was doing mistakes...but i was not able to get repentance in my heart!!!!

i just told him while my heart still was hard!!! i told him its upto you to make it flesh again so tht ur words can sink into it.

today i came into the lab to get Linux installed on my computer for a yahoo programming test a day later!!!

And one more thing....God made me realize one thing here..

actually i was given a system in the other lab than the one im in right now....

That lab which i was initially in was very spacious and huge...

i liked it...
but later they shifted me to other room which was not so spacious;

i was feeling why did God put me into this new lab as i felt the first lab only was good...

NOW God made me understand WHY!!!!


The reason is because though the first lab was good ...the AC In it would switched off in the nights and there were no normal fans in that room...

so in the evenings and nights....it would be very very hot!!!!

But in this lab we have AC and tht too the AC directed at me which was not in the first room....
and tht too a fan above my head and very airy!!!!

And now i realize Why God gave me....

Sometimes god gives us something for a purpose ...but we don't understand that purpose unless we ask GOD!!!!


And so as i was telling as i came to install linux in my lab comps along with 2 of my friends...
though i was the first one to start installing....some error came in the end of installation
as i had to start installation again...by this time both of my friends systems were installed with linux and so they left...


So i felt bad that i had to do it all over again!!!!!

But just then as none of my friends were there....i was free in the lab!!!
So i decided to check my rediffmail after a long time ...since from the time i was living dark life...
i stopped checking my mail coz it contained many mails of daily bible verses mailed to me everyday!!!!

As i checked i knew God would talk to me and this is what he told me....as i was god to help me turn from my sinful ways!!

*********************************************((this is the mail i received when i opened my mailbox and i knew God would talk something from this mail ...
I believed God would talk to me and i opened the mail and he did talk talk to me as u will see below***********************


Purified

Today's Scripture

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”
(I John 1:9 KJV).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

What comes to your mind when you think of the word “pure”? You might think of a young, innocent child or fresh,
fallen snow. It’s interesting that most people don’t immediately think of themselves as pure even though that’s
exactly how God sees us once we receive His forgiveness. The scripture says that He cleanses us from all unrighteousness.
It doesn’t matter what may have happened in the past, the Bible says that He takes our sins and casts them into
the sea of forgetfulness. That means He chooses not to remember them. When God looks at you, He doesn’t see your
past mistakes and failures; He sees your future. He sees your gifts and talents. He sees your destiny.

Oftentimes, the enemy will try to hold us back by reminding us of our past. Whenever you start to feel guilty or
condemned, remember this scripture. If you have confessed your sins to the Father and have received His forgiveness,
then you have been purified. Let this truth sink down deeply on the inside of you. As you do, you will be
strengthened and empowered to rise to new levels so you can enjoy the abundant life He has for you!

A Prayer for Today

Father in heaven, thank You for Your love and faithfulness. Thank You for Your promise to cleanse and purify me.
I surrender every area of my life to You today and invite You to have Your way in me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

***********************************************************************************************************

I was counting myself sinful and horrible...and worthless....But see how God is talking to me!!!

He says that he sees me as purified coz HE has shed the blood for that!!!!!


can u feel the pain of trying to forget the mistakes....which we do!!!!
if someone has behaved wrongly with you again and again....
How much hard it would be for us to then keep it away and Love them!!!


Well in the same way God has a lot of pain as he says HE CHOOSES Not to TREAT US LIKE SOUR SINS DESERVE!!!!!!

God told me to concentrate on the part"CHOOSES"!!!!!

And tht he goes through lot of pain for that....coz we hardly realize and keep hurting him agian and again!!



And God led me to this Song of 12 Stones band named "The Way i feel"
and tht was when i visited one of friends who i met at the parra camp last year
and yesterday i saw her online and scrapped and she scrapped me back...
and as i saw her in my scrapbook ...i felt like checking her profile as she got married recently
so i decide dot check her marriage pics which she updated.....
she uploaded only one video in her orkut account...tht was this song "THE WAY I FEEL"

And when i listened to the song and downloaded the lyrics....I WAS BLOWN AWAY!!!


See the lyrics....God was speaking to me through this song....

*******************************************************************

The Way I Feel Lyrics



Lately I've been wandering((_THIS LINE REFERRED TO MY PRESENT CONDITION Where I WANDERED AWAY FROM GOD))
Off the narrow path
You've given me so many things that I've never had((Relating to the many gifts he gave in my life like the seat at one of the country's best colleges))
All in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true

Cuz I hate the way…I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice…yeah

Come on

The world I know is pulling me, more and more each day
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness, Lord((( I CALLED HIM WHEN I WAS STILL UNREPENTANT AS I MY HEART WAS LIKE A STONE AND IT WOULDN'T REPENT SO I ASKED THE LORD HIMSELF to BREAK IT AND HE broke it!!!!!!!)))
My spirit calls for you

Cuz I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice yeah
--Bridge--
(You know sometimes deep inside...)
I feel like death...
--Solo--

Cuz I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
Yes, I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life..yeah
The way I feel, I hate the way... the way I feel...

****************************************************


And God spoke to me through this song!!!!!!

praise the Lord for speaking unto me!!!!!!!